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Submitted on
August 2, 2012


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I need my friends. I need your hugs.

Journal Entry: Thu Aug 2, 2012, 8:44 PM
A few days ago, I had to color my hair from cotton candy pink and purple to plain jane brown for a job interview. I changed it because I didn't want to ruin my chances of getting the job, because we all know vibrant colors are not normally seen in the work place. Especially for hotels.

Anyway, it really devastated me. I loved my hair. I felt complete with it. I finally had my hair exactly how I liked it. But that's not the worst part. My aunt decided to fill me in on her point of view. On a picture of my new hair on facebook, she says "FINALLY, you're back to your God given hair color". Now, I'm Christian. So that part didn't offend me. It was the fact that she completely ignored that I regretted changing my hair, and I didn't want to do it. So of course I deleted it and tried to forget about it and just ignore it ever happened.

Then I posted a picture of me in a lolita outfit with my brown hair, and she comments saying "You look so beautiful in your God given hair color, and you do look adorable, but you're embarrassing yourself." HOW AM I EMBARRASSING MYSELF? By dressing how I want to and feeling comfortable in it? Before her, I didn't care about what others thought about me. But she's my family. It's different and it hurts.

So I posted a rage status update. Probably not the best idea, but it made me feel better. Here's what I wrote:

"I am who I am because God made me this way. He made me to change and challenge the things around me and the things about me. I'm all for keeping the body clean and a temple for Christ, so I don't do tattoos or face piercings. But to start talking to me about my hair... you better be prepared for a good lecture. Hair grows out. It is already dead once passed the skin. Therefore, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE IT TO WHATEVER COLOR I WANT TO REGARDLESS OF MY RELIGION. God made me with brown hair and I should keep it that way? NO. God made me with strong healthy hair so I can express how happy I am by coloring my hair pink and colorful so others will see I'm not afraid to EXPRESS MYSELF, FOR OTHERS TO SEE WHO I AM INSIDE AND OUT. One more comment like this and you're deleted. For everyone else, thank you for the lovely comments on my new UNWANTED hair color, and for helping me get over how dull I feel with it. You all make me feel special. ♥"

Now, she didn't post on the status, but she sent me a message. A long message. And I'll only post part of it, because it involves other family members, etc. I'll just post the important part. But here's what she messages me:

"Hello Dana, did I upset you with my comment about your natural hair color? The thing is, I don't like the "unnatural" look. When I see the pink and purple it makes me think that you are trying to imitate a cup cake.---- You may see it as "young" and exciting, but only the young are really into it. Sorry, I am 65 and I have always seen purple as a bad dye job. I love you just the same. I notice you deleted my comment.----It is best to tell you the truth, and not lie about it. God gave you brown hair. I prefer His design. Many years ago a minister told us that girls who create bold statements with their hair and clothing are crying out for attention because they feel inadequate and undesireable. You don't have to look like a cup cake or a Japanese doll to have value. I hope you don't go back to the childish things, but that is not going to keep you out of Heaven. I am thankful that the Lord loves us for what is inside and not what is on the outside."

So apparently dressing up in Lolita fashion is a sin. Dressing up with your friends and enjoying part of the Japanese culture and coloring your hair pink and purple is a sin. Now I love my aunt, and I respect the fact that she was raised a certain way, but to take it that far and try to change me... when I did nothing wrong in the first place... How is that supposed to make me feel?

I'm really hurt, and it makes me very upset that those words came from my own family member. I guess I never thought I would be attacked because I dressed in Lolita. I never really thought that it would be from a family member, because I've done weird stuff in the past and none of them ever gave me flack about it... I feel like crying and hiding under a rock. I just really need some moral support right now.

You always read blogs and posts about how the Lolita community always gets pinned for being bad... I just never thought I would be put through that...

I need my friends....

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DarkSaph Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012
DarkSaph Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012
Szuzka Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012
:hug: ! That is really sad :( Did you talk with your mom or dad about it?
Why should God be angry if you dress as Lolita? I never heard that before :O
Dying your hair is fine too, why should God love you less?
If you had gone and got plastics surgery then I could understand your aunt but you didnīt do anything lasting. She needs to relax.
I think though natural haircolour suit the colour scheme of a person best, for example I would look like a vampire with black hair for I am so pale but I still bleach my hair lighter and once I had a bit of pink in it, whatīs wrong about that? You are lucky you have healthy fast growing hair so no worries about ruining it!
You can dye it any colour you want, you didnīt shave your head bald.
My family was rather intollerant when I decided to be a vegetarian, all except mama. I was 13 when I stopped eating meat altogether, I just love animals way too much. My dad and brothers started discussions with me and stuff but mama let me eat what I wanted. My grandma and aunt didnīt get it at all and grandma blamed my mother(!) that itīs her fault and that she has to force me to eat meat. It took years til my family accepted it. Now I am 27, still vegetarian, and was actually told by a doctor that due to my sickness it is a good thing I do not eat meat!

ChibiWorks Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Wow, that's great that you made that change in your diet so early in life. I love animals too. I can't ever eat anything that I have ever had as a pet: rabbits, frogs, etc. I don't eat cow because there are so many health concerns with that.. a cow is supposed to eat grass, but they feed them corn because it's cheaper but it ends up ruining the cow's inner system and we digest a lot of the stuff their bodies would get rid of if they just ate grass. I only eat fish and chicken.
I did talk to my mother. She's so very supportive of me. When I lived under her roof, I had to obey her and I wasn't allowed to cut my hair or color it funky colors because I attended a Christian school and they didn't allow it anyway. Now that I'm older, age 23, she lets me do whatever I want because she knows she raised me right and I would never do anything to hurt myself or anyone else. I'm just expressing myself. So she gave my aunt a good earful. Hahaha! I love her so much. I think things are starting to die down now, but it was getting pretty hairy. My aunt was going after my husband, my mother, my father and my cousins and brothers through email trying to get me to apologize to her. Sigh. But they all ignored her. She's making it so difficult for herself. But I hope everything is starting to settle down now.
BubbleCafe Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
*hugs* Firstly, I'm really sorry that you're having to go through all of this regarding your aunt. I think she believes that she is trying to guide you, since she is older with "much more experience" (as they say) but it really doesn't excuse her attitude. In my honest opinion, what she said had less to do with holding on to Christian values and more about trying to mold you into someone else out of personal taste. I am also Christian, but the thing I believe in first and foremost is that God loves everybody at the end of the day. Whether you have brown hair, pink hair, blue hair, leopard-print hair... He still loves you. He gave you that hair to do whatever you want with it! What you choose to do with your image will never change that. There's no "truth" in her opinion, it really bothers me that she tries to pass it off as fact or something.

tl;dr- Your aunt is forcing her own personal opinions on you and using the Lord as her excuse, to be perfectly blunt. That is bull, and I really do hope you don't let her words stop you from being the fun, creative Dana we all know and love.
ChibiWorks Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
It's gotten worse... Sure, I decided I could shrug it off and just have her not be my friend on facebook so she can't see my pictures, etc... but she has decided to send my mother, my husband, and her son emails about what I'm doing is bad and that I need to apologize. So now I can't just ignore it anymore, because I am being bombarded with all of her harassment through my family members. I am just so sick of it... I don't know what to do....

I do want to have fun... but at what cost?
Maddie-Pie Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
Aww Dana! :tighthug:
Your hair colour is just a think that makes you unique! God made us all different!
I think it's so inspiring that you dress up and dye your hair the way you want because that's what I hope to do one day, in the maybe not so distant future.

Don't be afraid to be you ♥
ChibiWorks Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Thank you, Maddie. I really do appreciate it. It's gotten harder with her now... since I have blocked her on facebook, (so she doesn't have to see the way that I live) she has decided to go through my mother, my husband and her own son to try to make me apologize. I feel like I am being harassed and I just don't know what to do. I just want to crawl under a rock and cry. I just feel so alone...
UntitledJoy Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I'm sorry that your aunt is acting like it. :/
God made you with brown hair, and gives you the right to CHANGE IT. As long as your happy, thats all that matters.
And I dont think that is for attention. It just how you want to look. Lolita fashion is very cute, and thats just your style.
My mom criticizes me all the time for my sense of fashion. =__=
I prefer oversized sweaters and jeans than a skirt and fancy blouse. She thinks I'm trying to act like a boy, but I just like the way it looks.
Don't try to let her gt to you, and just keep doing what makes you happy.
Your old enough now to make your own decisions. <3
ChibiWorks Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Oversized hoodies were the best feeling when I was in high school... they were so comfy and they felt like a blanket I could wear anywhere. Ah~~ I kinda miss wearing them now that I'm thinking about it. xD
Thank you, dear. It's so good to have sweet people like you to talk to and make me feel better. :iconsweethugplz:
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