Journal Entry: Thu Aug 2, 2012, 8:44 PM
A few days ago, I had to color my hair from cotton candy pink and purple to plain jane brown for a job interview. I changed it because I didn't want to ruin my chances of getting the job, because we all know vibrant colors are not normally seen in the work place. Especially for hotels.
Anyway, it really devastated me. I loved my hair. I felt complete with it. I finally had my hair exactly how I liked it. But that's not the worst part. My aunt decided to fill me in on her point of view. On a picture of my new hair on facebook, she says "FINALLY, you're back to your God given hair color". Now, I'm Christian. So that part didn't offend me. It was the fact that she completely ignored that I regretted changing my hair, and I didn't want to do it. So of course I deleted it and tried to forget about it and just ignore it ever happened.
Then I posted a picture of me in a lolita outfit with my brown hair, and she comments saying "You look so beautiful in your God given hair color, and you do look adorable, but you're embarrassing yourself." HOW AM I EMBARRASSING MYSELF? By dressing how I want to and feeling comfortable in it? Before her, I didn't care about what others thought about me. But she's my family. It's different and it hurts.
So I posted a rage status update. Probably not the best idea, but it made me feel better. Here's what I wrote:
"I am who I am because God made me this way. He made me to change and challenge the things around me and the things about me. I'm all for keeping the body clean and a temple for Christ, so I don't do tattoos or face piercings. But to start talking to me about my hair... you better be prepared for a good lecture. Hair grows out. It is already dead once passed the skin. Therefore, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE IT TO WHATEVER COLOR I WANT TO REGARDLESS OF MY RELIGION. God made me with brown hair and I should keep it that way? NO. God made me with strong healthy hair so I can express how happy I am by coloring my hair pink and colorful so others will see I'm not afraid to EXPRESS MYSELF, FOR OTHERS TO SEE WHO I AM INSIDE AND OUT. One more comment like this and you're deleted. For everyone else, thank you for the lovely comments on my new UNWANTED hair color, and for helping me get over how dull I feel with it. You all make me feel special. ♥"
Now, she didn't post on the status, but she sent me a message. A long message. And I'll only post part of it, because it involves other family members, etc. I'll just post the important part. But here's what she messages me:
"Hello Dana, did I upset you with my comment about your natural hair color? The thing is, I don't like the "unnatural" look. When I see the pink and purple it makes me think that you are trying to imitate a cup cake.---- You may see it as "young" and exciting, but only the young are really into it. Sorry, I am 65 and I have always seen purple as a bad dye job. I love you just the same. I notice you deleted my comment.----It is best to tell you the truth, and not lie about it. God gave you brown hair. I prefer His design. Many years ago a minister told us that girls who create bold statements with their hair and clothing are crying out for attention because they feel inadequate and undesireable. You don't have to look like a cup cake or a Japanese doll to have value. I hope you don't go back to the childish things, but that is not going to keep you out of Heaven. I am thankful that the Lord loves us for what is inside and not what is on the outside."
So apparently dressing up in Lolita fashion is a sin. Dressing up with your friends and enjoying part of the Japanese culture and coloring your hair pink and purple is a sin. Now I love my aunt, and I respect the fact that she was raised a certain way, but to take it that far and try to change me... when I did nothing wrong in the first place... How is that supposed to make me feel?
I'm really hurt, and it makes me very upset that those words came from my own family member. I guess I never thought I would be attacked because I dressed in Lolita. I never really thought that it would be from a family member, because I've done weird stuff in the past and none of them ever gave me flack about it... I feel like crying and hiding under a rock. I just really need some moral support right now.
You always read blogs and posts about how the Lolita community always gets pinned for being bad... I just never thought I would be put through that...
I need my friends....